Here's the scenario. On a hot tuesday afternoon,you're wearing a suit and you're stuck inside a hot crowded elevator. The air in the small space is barely breathable with the stenchy combination of mouth odors and damp undeodorised armpits.
Beads of sweat form on your forehead and slowly roll down your face.
At this point you're pissed .It seems this Popular Government building in Port Harcourt (names withheld) haven't serviced their elevators since the Country's Independence.The doors simply refuse to open.You and the other nine or ten occupants of this metallic box are trapped.
Now, just when you think things couldn't get any worse, somebody FARTS!
A silent fart.
And not just any silent fart,the HALL-OF-FAME- MOTHER of all silent farts.
The kind that demonically assaults nostrils and makes dizzy.
Guys, this was no joke.It was the dilemma I found my self in last week.And trust me it wasn't funny.
In a few seconds, the foulness of the fart mingled with the heat, and already
terrible mouth and armpit odors, to form a Vile stench that felt like the presence of an evil spirit.
All around me, people were murmuring and making uncomfortable sounds.We stared at each other suspiciously as if to discern the identity of the culprit.But it was pointless.Whom ever the "FARTER" was, he/she was in there with with us, disguised in the same look of disgust.
"Chai!"came the voice of a man from behind me.
I considered holding my breath, but then realized that would mean inhaling large amounts of this horrendous fart to do so.Scratch that idea!
"Na God go punish de pessin wey do dis kine tin!"spat a heavy set woman on my right.I eyed her closely.Was she capable of such a stench?
An eternity passed.
The murmuring continued.
Soon the elevator doors opened.We all rushed out of our stinky confinement into the embrace of the fresh air. The ordeal had lasted only 2 or 3 minutes, but felt like a week.
The memory of that fart still lingers in my mind like a bad dream.I think people should be fined for farting in such places.Its just wrong.
Moral of the story?
If before leaving the house today,you consumed large amounts of beans in any form(eg akara or moi moi).Or had some boiled eggs with some powdered milk, then you find yourself in a small confined space with other people,I am pleading with you.......as a Christian and fellow human being.RESPECT YOURSELF!Please be considerate to individuals within your immediate air space. The contents of your stomach are nobody's business.Not everything's worth sharing.
Life is a choice.So choose wisely.Enough said!
This was written by a friend of mine, his name is Opus check out his blog: http://choysis.wordpress.com/
I hope you had a good laugh.
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